God, me and DMT
The greatest experience of my life took place in another dimension. Transported by the magic of DMT, it outshone all others by a factor of infinity. The ultra-reality of the experience rendered the return to "normality" a lesson in cosmic hierarchy. Revelation in the most sacred sense of the word. Divine revelation! Shocking is the realisation that what we have become used to, in all it's staggering complexity, is no more than a toe dipped in the ocean of possibilities. Not even a toe that wiggles. A motionless, sleeping toe whose conditioned cells register only texture and temperature, automatically producing a subconsciously orchestrated projection of "reality" we call experience. The depth and width of the ocean are unknowns. Unknowable to the toe that seeks not to know.
DMT like Ayahuasca presented itself to me when I was ready to receive it's lessons and blessings. It taught me that there are other domains of existence that are of a higher order. Spaces that resonate at frequencies beyond man's puny limits of sensitivity. Energies that would fry his tiny mind reside there. Energies that can be accessed only through high doses of a psycho-active substance or a lifetime of meditation. A sudden upward shift of consciousness or a more sedate amble through a lifetime of devotion. They will both take you there. But modern man is in a hurry and this modern man has not yet the patience nor indeed the will to take the long winding road to nirvana that is the way of the holy man. So laden with high octane rocket fuel I go in an instant from a sometimes tiresome here and now to a timeless there of unimaginable strangeness and the shocking realisation that there really is something beyond the veil. Something utterly incomprehensible. Frighteningly so! Terrifying even. But not because the higher dimensions that I have visited were monster ridden or dangerous. Yes I encountered entities, for want of a better word, but the sense of menace was more to do with being thrust into an "environment" void of familiarity. It is extremely difficult to describe because stepping back down into normal consciousness closes once more the doors that previously were flung open leaving only quickly fading memories as the mind struggles to retain information beyond it's capability to comprehend. Other intrepid explorers of the mind speak of colours that don't exist here, but my experience speaks of colours much like every day earthly colours like red and blue but of an intensity that staggers the senses. If you consider that all sensory experience is no more than the reception and assimilation of coded information, which in fact it is, then an easily comprehensible metaphor presents itself. An electronic device such as a light bulb or a computer has the capacity to deal with a limited amount of power or information. Too much power will burn out the appliance. The reds and blues that I saw were so loaded with information, so breathtakingly intense, as to overwhelm the puny receiving device that was my mind, creating fear out of overload. Yes colours can be scary! Movement also. I encountered slow but incomprehensible motion, like forms turning in several directions at once, that I somehow found both intriguing and menacing at the same time. But the feeling of menace like the fear of colours, nothing but the fruit of unfamiliarity. Of a strangeness beyond imagination.
Under the sacred influence of DMT I have visited other "realities". Realities that have nothing in common with this one, with perhaps one exception, light. Light appears to be the common denominator in trans-dimensional equations. Light is the essence of the physical realm and many much less physical, it would seem. But what do I know of reality? And what fills the gaping chasm between God and I? And what is God? Well, to answer the first question I would say that levels of higher consciousness that I will call dimensions fill the gaping void. Dimensions that are mutually incompatible. Separate states of being of a higher and higher order. Realities of greater and greater understanding where the unanswerable questions of lower consciousness states, like why do I exist, for example, become nonesensical. Laughable even, because there is no reason why. On the consciousness scale we are children and we ask our childish questions.
I hasten to add that I have no experience of this sacred state but the glimpse that DMT allowed me showed enough to suppose that that is the metaphorical case.
And so now the second question. What is God? Of course only God or the state of Godliness, which is probably nearer the truth, could answer this. We cannot know what is God. DMT hinted at the scale of the separation and even the next step on the thousand mile journey is beyond our earthly comprehension. But I am an artist, a metaphor machine, and so I offer this metaphor.
Among many other things, He is the sum of all energies in every cosmos condensed to the size of nothing at all. Infinite energy in zero space. This is God. What an amazing trick to pull off! How did he do it? Nothing up the sleeve? No sleeve at all in fact. Nothing but the awareness of being nothing, while at the same time gorged with potential. The potential for a glorious come back for example. Another big bang? When this universe has fulfilled it's potential and disappeared back up it's own arse hole.
Sure, I'm just throwing ideas down. Incoherence reigns. But there is a common thread. I am the thread. I am the fruit of the Potential Tree. The one that made it to germination. I am the unavoidable result of cosmic order. I had to be. And so here I am, playing the role beautifully. Complètement dedans as the French say. Actually feeling the pain of my incarnation, my dream, as though it was real. Incredible! But I must admit that I would be more at home in the less painful ones. I could play a recluse rock star as easy as standing on my rock star's penis. Easy as pie. Honey pie! Money for old rope. The doors of my own creation will open to the rooms of my choosing. But it isn't the conscious choosing that we know and hate so much. The unconscious abyss inside every one of us turns the wheel that drives this car. We choose through default. The default being the most natural route according to cause and effect. A law that works beautifully in this reality. You want to get one hand on the wheel? Then start changing yourself. The conditioning is deep. No one day miracles here. It's a long haul. But then so is life anyway for the vast majority of people. So change because you choose to and not because you have to. You can choose now or take the risk of being forced to change, through ill health, for example. And so here we are. The present situation suddenly presents itself. An important ingredient in the bigger picture, it's omnipresence pervades. God is order. Any perceived disorder is the projection of a disordered mind. You can only perceive yourself in reflection. Meditative reflection of the inner self reveals far more then the eyes can see. Eyes wide open and yet almost totally blind. Voila the dilemma of mankind. And what if the band of electro magnetic wavelengths, invisible all bar the small range we call visible light, was itself only a wafer thin metaphorical slice of an infinite pie of frequencies. Seems reasonable to me. And yet spirituality and paranormal phenomena are mocked by many people, often scientists, whose abilities to imagine are unquestioned, but who quest for knowledge in a closed space. They will know their space well. But the possibility that there could be something outside remains unexplored by society in general, though lone pioneers and small groups of free thinkers have been delving into the well, bringing back stories of wonder and sacred revelation. Being closer to the divine is an unforgettable experience. The step I took with my first and most profound DMT ceremony had me believing that I had been very close to God, so full of love and awe was I on my return. But a year on and far more informed in every way I see that it was only a step on the thousand mile journey that is the return of the prodigal son. And yet, a quantum leap experience.
Yeah they say. It's only going on inside your head. All that is just an illusion. Chemicals creating hallucinations. Tricks of a mind out of control. Well I would say that the whole of our life experience is nothing more than the mad creation of minds out of control. Minds dominated by the ego. Minds that create war and allow famine. Minds that accumulate weapons and destroy nature. Minds that speak of respect while eating the flesh of tortured animals. I see my DMT and Ayahuasca journeys as sneak previews of a deeper reality. Still illusion but far less so. In the end all is illusion. All but the awareness that all is illusion. But if we must live our lives in the illusion then surely it is our duty to seek escape. The illusion created by DMT and Ayahuasca is far more real than the illusion we call life. There are layers of illusion all the way back to God and the illusion we call life is perhaps the biggest illusion of all. Take a DMT trip and see for yourself. But of course you dare not. Because deep down you know that all that you cling to is no more than ego. Ego clinging to a false identity. A conditioned mess of fears and contradictions. A conditioning as old as history, that renders us robots. This car has automatic transmission. Yes there is a steering wheel that allows us to go round and round in circles of cyclic behaviour and yes there is a wind screen that allows us to see the damage we have done, are doing still. But it is a bumper car ride "reality". Closed and extremely limited. A tiny part of the huge Funfair of Creation, on the fringes of a large city, in a country, on a continent, on a planet, in a solar system, in a galaxy that is one of an enormous number of galaxies. Etc etc etc, forever and ever and ever, Amen. All this is only a metaphor in the divine poem called life. All is metaphor. Nothing really exists. God creates metaphors through his metaphorical creations that we call artists. Really only metaphor machines that stumble and fall towards a description of reality that cannot be known.
DMT or Dimethyltryptomine is one of many naturally occurring "sacred" molecules that exist for a reason. God does not fuck up. Everything has a sense. DMT and Ayahuasca presented themselves to me in beautifully synchronised circumstances. For a free spirit, artist, seeker of experience, marijuana smoker and occasional drug user it is impossible to explain how I failed to stumble upon them earlier in my life unless it was because a higher intelligence was keeping us apart. They came to me three years after my spiritual awakening, aged fifty eight, when their role in my evolution would be at it's optimum. I bow down in gratitude for the lessons they have given me.
It takes great courage to surrender for the first time to the will of DMT. Even more so for the second, armed with the memory of the shock of the first. But I am talking about high dose experiences that allow what is known in DMT literature as breakthrough. Literally a breakthrough into another realm of reality. One can "have fun" with small doses of DMT, also in of itself shocking enough, but the real thing is of another order and for me DMT is not something to be messed with. It is a sacred doorway that requires personal preparation and a very dignified approach. I personally fast for three days beforehand and prepare the ritual space as one would for a religious ceremony. I know people, shamans for example, who are spiritually strong enough to do it alone but I am not one of these people. Ideally it should be done in the presence of a shaman as in an Ayahuasca ceremony but at the very least the participants should be spiritually prepared and in a state of humility. A group meditation before the ritual begins can only improve the quality and sacredness of the experience.